Friday, January 19, 2007

Shillard's New Depths of Hyperlameness


Shillard just won't lay down and admit defeat. After having the lameness of his Amiga-lust exposed as unmanly and unworthy of a Baretta toting Mercedes driver he attempts to shame me with even sorrier supergeekdom and a pissy C64 notebook. I'll admit that the wood case gave me a certain degree of trouser wood but Apple were on top of this in 1976 by putting a computer in an old school desk (see pic). Naturally, it did nothing but that only puts it on the same page as Shillard's lame-arse C64 notebook, only 30 years earlier.
The '70's was the era of the true geek. Wosniak and Jobs were the real deal. Being identified as a geek/nerd could be life threatening with the very real threat of atomic wedgies and female ridicule. Nowadays, it's "cool" to make a geeky wooden shitbox C64. Geeks get their own "reality" show where they hook up with brainless bimbos for money and a root. Marrying a geek is a career path for some girls now and geeky girls have their own porn category. It all adds up to a very fucked up world. Modern geeks are the lamest sub-culture next to pseudo-gothchick-vampire wannabes and probably cross-pollenate with them.
True geeks must be unattractive and smelly with beards. They should be either fat from junk food or awkwardly skinny. In short, athletically compromised specimens. It is essential for them to maintain an air of superiority even when they are having the shit punched out of them. What they are NOT are high pay executives with lovely wives, Mercedes Benz cars and GUNS. I implore you Shillard, for the sake of the natural order of things, buy a MacIntosh and let's put this Amiga fixation behind us.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Shillard's Lame Blog

I have been overwhelmed by my readers to retaliate to Shillard's latest sad entry on Shillard.com. Ordinarily I would have a softly, softly approach to this as you see...Shillard is my boss. He is a divisional General Manager of the large wine company we work for and I am a mere departmental manager who directly reports to him. The fact that I was twice his Master of his Masonic lodge is totally incidental even though my position was ordained by GOD. But folks, I can't leave this one alone. I am accustomed to Shillard's geeky ways but his latest blog entry is a call to arms. Sure Goatherder has abandoned his once-great blog to wallow in micro-brewery self-indulgence but Shillard's Amiga sycophancy has reached unplumbed depths of geekery and lamitude. Shillard, Amiga is dead. You should name your nerdkit the "Rumsfeld". I'm not just saying this because your anachronarcissism overshadows my own Mac-love (BTW, I love you Steve, in a totally non-sexual devotional way of course) but because any processor that runs on 200MHz is unmanly. It's like taking a Toyota Prius to the SummerNats in Canberra. Even though PC is shit, you have to respect the cubes and the heat and roar of cooling fans trying to contain a brutal but hamfisted psycho machine. PC owners are like Commodore owners. They drink VB and rev the guts out of their V8s in a manly display of stupidity and muscle with bimbo girlfriends proudly displaying their jubblies to appreciative fellow hooligans. Mac owners are people that have finesse. They are like Audi and Mercedes drivers. More than a match for unsophisticated PC ball-tearers but are cool and efficient and produce great things without stress or waste. Amiga owners are like...well they're like people who own GoGomobiles. Curiously funny but harmlessly ineffectual. You can argue all the merits of the GoGo or the Messerschmidt bubble car but you are likely to get pummelled to oblivion by a VB can shower while a Monaro does a burnout on top of you. Shillard, you are a gunowner and a Mercedes driver. You should know better. For god's sake just buy a Mac and get with the programme.