avastyematey

Freighter Runs aground on Nobby's Beach

2007-06-08T14:01:00.000+10:00

I haven't done much paddling of late for a variety of pretty lame reasons but today the weather in Newcastle went nasty. I mean very nasty. Last night the news gave severe weather warnings and this morning we got winds up to 100kph. By the time I got to work in Newie we got the news that a bulk carrier had beached itself at Nobby's so at lunch time I went for a walk to see. When I got there with Jason,one of my staff, we were amazed to see the ship right on the beach. Emergency services people had a cordon around the area and two resuce helicopters were struggling against huge winds. The beach was a mess and on buoy measured a 17m wave. We then found out two other ships nearby were struggling to stay off the coast and another in danger at Stockton. Fortunately, there appeared to be little danger to people so far as the rescue services are very good but anything could happen. Jason and I were walking at 45 degrees and the rain was like needles. He had a Driza-Bone on which gave great protection and I had my new Mountain Design Wentworth jacket which was brilliant. My canvas jeans got drenched so my next purchase will be some waterproof trousers. You can't have too much gear and I now live by the mantra "there's no such thing as bad weather, just a bad choice of clothes".

Shillard's New Depths of Hyperlameness

2007-01-19T14:11:00.000+11:00

Shillard just won't lay down and admit defeat. After having the lameness of his Amiga-lust exposed as unmanly and unworthy of a Baretta toting Mercedes driver he attempts to shame me with even sorrier supergeekdom and a pissy C64 notebook. I'll admit that the wood case gave me a certain degree of trouser wood but Apple were on top of this in 1976 by putting a computer in an old school desk (see pic). Naturally, it did nothing but that only puts it on the same page as Shillard's lame-arse C64 notebook, only 30 years earlier.

The '70's was the era of the true geek. Wosniak and Jobs were the real deal. Being identified as a geek/nerd could be life threatening with the very real threat of atomic wedgies and female ridicule. Nowadays, it's "cool" to make a geeky wooden shitbox C64. Geeks get their own "reality" show where they hook up with brainless bimbos for money and a root. Marrying a geek is a career path for some girls now and geeky girls have their own porn category. It all adds up to a very fucked up world. Modern geeks are the lamest sub-culture next to pseudo-gothchick-vampire wannabes and probably cross-pollenate with them.

True geeks must be unattractive and smelly with beards. They should be either fat from junk food or awkwardly skinny. In short, athletically compromised specimens. It is essential for them to maintain an air of superiority even when they are having the shit punched out of them. What they are NOT are high pay executives with lovely wives, Mercedes Benz cars and GUNS. I implore you Shillard, for the sake of the natural order of things, buy a MacIntosh and let's put this Amiga fixation behind us.

Shillard's Lame Blog

2007-01-17T09:12:00.000+11:00

I have been overwhelmed by my readers to retaliate to Shillard's latest sad entry on Shillard.com. Ordinarily I would have a softly, softly approach to this as you see...Shillard is my boss. He is a divisional General Manager of the large wine company we work for and I am a mere departmental manager who directly reports to him. The fact that I was twice his Master of his Masonic lodge is totally incidental even though my position was ordained by GOD. But folks, I can't leave this one alone. I am accustomed to Shillard's geeky ways but his latest blog entry is a call to arms. Sure Goatherder has abandoned his once-great blog to wallow in micro-brewery self-indulgence but Shillard's Amiga sycophancy has reached unplumbed depths of geekery and lamitude. Shillard, Amiga is dead. You should name your nerdkit the "Rumsfeld". I'm not just saying this because your anachronarcissism overshadows my own Mac-love (BTW, I love you Steve, in a totally non-sexual devotional way of course) but because any processor that runs on 200MHz is unmanly. It's like taking a Toyota Prius to the SummerNats in Canberra. Even though PC is shit, you have to respect the cubes and the heat and roar of cooling fans trying to contain a brutal but hamfisted psycho machine. PC owners are like Commodore owners. They drink VB and rev the guts out of their V8s in a manly display of stupidity and muscle with bimbo girlfriends proudly displaying their jubblies to appreciative fellow hooligans. Mac owners are people that have finesse. They are like Audi and Mercedes drivers. More than a match for unsophisticated PC ball-tearers but are cool and efficient and produce great things without stress or waste. Amiga owners are like...well they're like people who own GoGomobiles. Curiously funny but harmlessly ineffectual. You can argue all the merits of the GoGo or the Messerschmidt bubble car but you are likely to get pummelled to oblivion by a VB can shower while a Monaro does a burnout on top of you. Shillard, you are a gunowner and a Mercedes driver. You should know better. For god's sake just buy a Mac and get with the programme.

Nothing will happen

2006-08-30T12:30:00.000+10:00

I have lost interest in this blog. Actually I was never interested and now its even worse. There are so many blogs out there with so much to say that it never occurs to them that nobody gives a fuck. One of the causes of my apathy stems from a mind-ray I receive from Sirius which makes me preoccupied with items of unimaginably low interest. This mind-ray is directed to me because I am a Royal Arch Freemason and it protects me from the constant assault on my headspace by Atlantean Lizardmen by downloading the secrets of McPhersonite Tinfoil. Conspiracy enthusiasts will know about the appalling attempt by Shillard to invade the anti-lizard market with Shillardian tinfoil hats but his only response was a purchase from my wife for market research purposes. McPhersonite tinfoil is the only one with 100% coverage against attack. Shillardian Tinfoil has a disclaimer that it offers no protection against Royal Arch mind control. McPhersonite is the real deal. As a Royal Arch mason I can testify that when I wrap my head in McPhersonite Tinfoil I feel stupider and stupider by the minute and thus impervious to the attacks of the Lizardmen. This is a promise Shillard cannot match.

The Greatest Photo of All Time

2006-03-21T13:05:00.000+11:00

If this isn't the greatest photo ever taken (or Photoshopped) by any photographer in the history of the Universe then Shillard has a better blog than me!

What the world needs NOW!!!

2006-03-06T13:30:00.000+11:00

I'm on a roll. No fewer than two interesting things in one day.
This beats anything on the Goatherder Blog hands down!

Mindless Abuse

2006-03-06T13:12:00.000+11:00

I just found this website which is refreshingly pointless considering all the blogs I've seen recently where people actually think what they have to say has any meaning at all. This is pointless hedonistic abuse which I heartily recommend to all my readers.

This followed on from a mail from L. Greg Burton, who has a dangerously Scientological name though he isn't one, who recommended I Google the word "failure" and see the first result. It's funny, but if you put in "idiot" and "moron" a similar thing happens. Put in "fuckwit" and you get this site which is more entertaining than Tzar George rants.

Enjoy.

This guy is awesome!

2006-01-16T13:57:00.000+11:00

This guy is so much fun he cannot be parodied. He should have played Trevor Goodchild in Aeon Flux.

Best of Blogs

2006-01-15T12:49:00.000+11:00

This is an example of a good blog by serious bloggers who have something serious to say. I use it to check on the coefficient of lameness of my blog. However, this blog is not without problems. Firstly, there are far too many americans mentioned and it only mentions the corrupt or evil ones. Secondly, there are no clowns or pirates. If you are interested in america, and most people aren't unless they're being bombed or tortured by them, then this a great blog. If you prefer Japanese AV girls you'd better go somewhere else.

Something is going to happen soon.

2006-01-10T14:23:00.000+11:00

I thought that with the new year I could think of something to put on this blog. Its not even a blog because with a blog you actually have to log something. Nothing has been logged. Unless you classify "nothing" as being logged, in which case some logging did occur and this becomes a "blog". Since no-one will ever read this, it doesn't really matter whether anything of interest is put on it. Most blogs are utter shite anyway. Even the ex-future prime minister of Canada's blog attracted some interest despite being called the worst blog ever. The worst blogs should not just be empty or incompetent but so bad that just by looking at them you will download a virus through your eyes and into your brain. The worst blog should damage you in someway just by opening them.

still nothing...

2005-10-01T16:02:00.000+10:00

nothing happened

2005-07-18T14:53:00.000+10:00